Holding Tighter

And making family the better option.

I had a really intense afternoon with my kids today.
The kind of intense that left my insides shaking for hours after.
The kind of intense that saw me use my fierce mum voice on my friends kids.
The kind of intense that called for conversations with fellow parents.

But once the stern conversations were had, all the children were sent home and the tears from my kids were released, I did something that even surprised me.

Instead of repeating words of disappointment.
Instead of going over and over the mistakes my kids had made.
Instead of pushing my kids away with my anger and sadness.
I did the opposite.
I pulled them in closer. And I spent the night loving the shit out of them.

I put everything on pause; the dinner prep, the dishes, the laundry. To cuddle them, to read to them, to stroke their hair.
I then made their favourite dinner. A dinner that requires everyones support in getting it on the table. A dinner that allows everyone to make their own, so it could therefore be a dinner that satisfies everyone.
I then made them a nutritional bath by candlelight and told them I had a surprise waiting for them once they hopped out.
I then led them to my room where Beautiful Chorus softly played and salt lamps dimly glowed.
I told them to lay down on my bed, and wrapped them up tight, in a warm flannelette cocoon and let them lay as if they were in a day spa. I white saged them, sang to them and gently stroked their backs.
Until eventually they levitated drowsily to bed with full hearts.

Because I could tell that the boundaries my kids were pushing up against were plea’s for me to hold them tighter.
And so I did.
I reminded them that this is the best place to be.

A friend of mine recently asked me how we best hold onto our children?
How do we make our kids want to stay close and connected to the family unit, instead of the luring excitement of the outside world.
And I said, we’ve got to make home life/family the better option.
If we don’t want to loose our children to friends and sleep overs and iPads and video games and TikTok we need to provide a better alternative.

Because the truth is our kids do want to stay close to us. We are their closest experience to unconditional love and divine consciousness. And it’s in my opinion, the yearning to remain continually tapped into this divine and infectious love extends beyond the seemingly holy first 7 years of innocence. (I believe this because this was my experience as a child, tween and teen.)
I believe we are our childrens anchor to their own infinite tap of unconditional love, and they will want to drink from that as often as we will allow it.

But so many of us don’t allow for it. We try.
But I think mostly we’ve forgotten how to meet ourselves in that way and so therefore have forgotten how to meet our children in that way.
Why would our children choose us over mates, when their option is between friends who are playing and laughing together, or parents who are too too busy to play, rushing them from one task to the next. Between friends who everyday want to play with them versus parents who everyday ask them to ‘go play somewhere else’ or ‘do something else’.

I landed on this, after observing it within myself and my own family dynamic. I was giving my children love, tenderness and connection, but not in the way they wanted it or needed it. Not in the way that penetrated their heart and soul so deeply the ripple remained all day and night.

Don’t get me wrong, I know we are all juggling and holding a lot. I can feel some of you eye rolling and I’m gonna write about this specifically another time.

But the musing has left me asking myself daily
“How can I make home the better option?
How can I make family the better option?”
So that when I say “it’s time to come home now”, or “you can’t play with ‘soandso’ we are having family time”, they are more than unbothered. Instead their heart does a little cartwheel of joy.
(PS that’s totally been happening for us since we’ve adopted this reframe.)

How?
Well for us, it’s looked like more family fun, more games, more laughs, more rituals, more all in baths, more evening massages, more reading books together, more story time, more intentional connection.

So even when my kids hear their neighbours screaming with excitement on the street, they still choose to stay seated with me on the lounge, reading a book, feeling my heart beat and feeling that connection to deep, profound love.


Thanks for reading my first ever Substack!
I’m excited to be sharing more heart musings and honest reflections with you via this channel hopefully every fortnight.
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